Kuala Lumpur: Chinatown

The rain started to pour on my way to Chinatown. The thunder was loud. The streets were wet. People were hastily getting off the street as they hid themselves to the small canopies of the stores, enough to keep them dry.

I did not mind the rain. Instead, I happily walked around with splatters on my shoes. I searched for nothing in particular. I entered to different shops while my eyes wandered. I found stores selling dried leaves for tea, dried fish, and dried meat. I saw vendors selling Asian fruits like Durian and Jackfruit. Souvenirs were displayed and items were offered cheap. It would have been nice to have bought something, but my eyes were full, my feet ached sore. The rain subsided. I left the place telling myself, “it is time to write.”



I did not sleep well. I remember before I went to bed I was stacking my books, my journals, and mostly part of my 23 years of existence in a box. I dusted off the sad nostalgia of leaving. “I have to do this,” I told myself. I neatly closed the box like it was a casket of my memoir with a lingering melancholy. I remember earlier that day, I was also fixing my clothes, packing too much yet not enough of my life in a suitcase. Again I told myself, “I have to do this.”

7.1288° N, 125.6461° E

I did not sleep well. I remember I was praying before I went to bed. I asked God for deliverance, for providence, for courage, for calmness, for protection, for strength, and for joy. I am scared. I am sad.
I did not sleep well because again, I am leaving. I know I have done this so many times in my life. I have been traveling my entire life to unknown places, I should be used to it. Yet, I am not. It would always be hard to leave. . .


The silence is deafening but at least it does not hurt you with words. The silence makes you wonder a lot of things and entertain your deepest thoughts but at least it does not judge you with your dreams. The silence makes you sad but at least it accompanies you in solitude. The silence is like a safeguard from the perils of heartaches, like the stillness in the unknown, like the comfort in chaos, and like a solace in distress.

When the Sin is Great

Text: Lamentations 3:18-26

17 my soul is bereft of peace;
    I have forgotten what happiness[a] is;
18 so I say, “My endurance has perished;
    so has my hope from the Lord.”

19 Remember my affliction and my wanderings,
    the wormwood and the gall!
20 My soul continually remembers it
    and is bowed down within me.
21 But this I call to mind,
   and therefore I have hope:

22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;[b]
   his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
24 “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
    “therefore I will hope in him.”

25 The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.
26 It is good that one should wait quietly
    for the salvation of the Lord.

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“Lamentations reminds us of the importance not only of mourning over our sin but of asking the Lord for His forgiveness when we fail Him” -Chuck Swindoll

Human Heart

When the human heart wavers, the flesh weakens. It consumes your mind and your actions. It dictates your desires and your dreams. It controls your decisions and judgments. It tests your faith and tempts you to give in or give up.

It tempts you to give in and to compromise on things you do not truly want because they are pleasing in your eyes. It encourages you to give up and to quit on things you truly want because they are not anymore satisfying.

And, following your heart makes you believe that what you are doing is right and what you are about to do will make you happy because they said,

“Follow your human heart, you won’t lose anything anyway.”
“Follow your human heart, do what makes you happy.”
“As long as you won’t hurt anybody, follow your human heart.”
“You know, the heart wants what the heart wants, do what you want.”
“Don’t think too much, follow your human heart”

Yet, it only gives you an immediate satisfying emotion. It gives you comfort for a moment without actually realizing the later consequences. Your impulsive submission to your heart’s current stage will lead you in danger and regrets.

When your heart controls your actions, your desires, and your pursuit to happiness these will result to a corrupted motive. You start manipulating circumstances to get what you want. You begin to control other people’s impression. And you will use all the resources you can get to achieve your heart’s wants.

However, you will get exhausted, drained, weary, shattered, anxious, desperate and pitiful in submitting to its desires. You can never get full satisfaction. Because when your human heart wavers, it does not know what it truly wants. It just gives in and gives up.

And so, the heart needs guidance; guidance that not any humans can provide but only an omniscient One can supply. The omniscient and omnipotent Holy Spirit of God can sustain and direct your path from the reality of your cruel evil human heart.

“The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?”
Jeremiah 17:9

After Dawn

Alone in the room. Solitude has consumed me and all I could ever do was to peep through my windowpane at 5 in the morning. I wished someone was around, someone who could give me a hot beverage or tell me good morning. But, as I devout myself into silence, tranquility painted my life. I must at least be thankful for waking up.


Singapore Travel

I once told myself “Go write down your journey with your feet aching from long days of strolling in places you do not know, in sceneries you have not seen before, and in shops you visited to haggle for a souvenir. Do not forget to take photographs.

So, here I am writing down lessons and experiences, not to brag and boast an underserved blessing but to share something deeper than a shallow travel abroad.

I want to share arts and culture I have witnessed, hope and faith I have observed, and wisdom and knowledge I have learned from my short trip.

  1. Arts and Culture

It’s the every detail of each place that makes the city extraordinary. There is an elite form of craft in every place of the country. Their canvas is their streets where the building’s aesthetics, the landscape, and the parks are worthy to gaze upon. The city speaks of its own kind of art that involved its culture and lifestyle.

There is this kind of harmony even if there are differences of language, races and religions. I learned during my trip that Singaporeans have Malay, Chinese and Indian races. These made me realized that the country is a heritage.

I can say that the treasure of the city is not the fast moving economic growth but the preservation of the arts and culture of the people that make the country one of the most visited places in the world.

Marina Bay Sands, Singapore ©aylinyee 081217

Continue reading “Singapore Travel”


27 July 2017

Through the years, I have experienced sadness in different faces. But, none of the faces seem familiar every time. I wept in my sorrow knowing sadness could be overcome through tears. I screamed loudly until I ran out of breath, believing it’s an outlet of my deep melancholic feeling. I write, most of the time, expressing my heartache that caused me to become sad. I noticed, each sad note I wrote was never similar, some of which were too deep, too deep to pierce my heart. Yet, all of the short excerpts from my sad expressions have never of the same value.

Even if I wrote with my heart poured out in each of my entry to my journal, still, every time I reread it, each has a different touch, a different cut of heartache. And it gives a different weight of emotion. It makes me feel like I am yearning for something, for someone that I do not know about. Every time sadness visits me, I would feel a mixture of nostalgia of places, of people, and of memories.

Then, I would remember precious moments; wonderful things shared with wonderful people and with that, sadness made sense. It made me realized the value of laughter, of meaningful conversations, of good company and of seasons.

I realized that for everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven.


“WAIT” by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, i cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied:
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said,
“Child, you must wait.”
“Wait? You say, wait!” my indignant reply.
“Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have You not hear?
By faith, I have asked, and am claiming Your Word.

“My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and You tel me to WAIT?
I’m needing a ‘Yes,’ a go-ahead sign,
Or even a ‘No’ to which I can resign.

“And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And, Lord, I’ve been asking, and this is my cry:
‘I’m weary of asking! I need a reply!”

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, “You must wait.”
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, “So, I’m waiting… for what?”

He seemed, then, to kneel
And His eyes wept with mine,
And He tenderly said, “I could give you a sign.”
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.

“All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want–
But, you wouldn’t know Me.
You’d not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You’d not know the power I give to the faint;

“You’d not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You’d not learn to trust just by knowing I’m there;
You’d not know the joy of resting in Me;
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

“You’d never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You’d know that I give and I save, for a start, But you’d not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

“The glow ofMy comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that’s beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.

“You’d never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that, ‘My grace is sufficient for thee.’
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss if I lost what I’m doing in you!

“So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft’ may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, ‘Wait.'”