Season: Sadness

27 July 2017

Through the years, I have experienced sadness in different faces. But, none of the faces seem familiar every time. I wept in my sorrow knowing sadness could be overcome through tears. I screamed loudly until I ran out of breath, believing it’s an outlet of my deep melancholic feeling. I write, most of the time, expressing my heartache that caused me to become sad. I noticed, each sad note I wrote was never similar, some of which were too deep, too deep to pierce my heart. Yet, all of the short excerpts from my sad expressions have never of the same value.

Even if I wrote with my heart poured out in each of my entry to my journal, still, every time I reread it, each has a different touch, a different cut of heartache. And it gives a different weight of emotion. It makes me feel like I am yearning for something, for someone that I do not know about. Every time sadness visits me, I would feel a mixture of nostalgia of places, of people, and of memories.

Then, I would remember precious moments; wonderful things shared with wonderful people and with that, sadness made sense. It made me realized the value of laughter, of meaningful conversations, of good company and of seasons.

I realized that for everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven.

My Calling 

Thank you Sanctus Real for this song. Thank You Lord for reminding me. 

. . . To love God and to help others love God. . 
“On Fire”


Remember when you couldn’t wait
to show up early and find your place.
Cause you didn’t want to miss a thing.
And your heart was open and ready for change.

Oh, those days.
You were never afraid to sing,
never afraid to lift your hands.
Didn’t care what people would think.

You were on fire,
and church was more than a
place,
and people were more than faces,
and Jesus was more than a name.

Remember when you weren’t ashamed.
To tell your friends about your faith.
A time when you felt the pain
of just one lost soul that was slipping away.
Your heart was soft, you had radiant eyes,


but slowly the pressures and burdens of life
pulled you into the dark of the night.
But when did you lose your sight?
Cause you were on fire,

and church was more than a place,
and people were more than faces,


and Jesus was more than a name.
Oh you were on fire,

you let life put out the flame.
But he’s still calling out for you
cause he wants to light your heart again.


And set it on fire
Set it on fire.
Turn your eyes, turn your eyes
and don’t forget what it was like
Set me on fire, set me on fire


I wanna hold God’s people close
wanna feel the power of Jesus’ name

Set me on fire
Set me on fire

When I Stumble While Waiting

I Don't want to miss you anymore (3)

I am starting to think less about you while I am starting to think about him more often. I am starting to ask God if I should still wait for you or if I should let him wait for me. I am starting to doubt myself if I still can go on until you arrive. What if, all along, you are not the answer to my prayers? What if, all along, I am the answer to his prayers? What if I am too selfish to understand the true meaning of love?

Love is patient and kind. Why could I not be too patient in waiting for you? Why am I too inconsiderate of your journey?

To be honest, I am tired of having this uncertainty. I am tired of not knowing if you’ll ever arrive or not. I am just tired, perhaps, that made me drift for a while. I wanted attention. I wanted immediate affection. And, I know, at some point I betrayed you. Worse, I fell short of God’s glory, for not being satisfied in His love.

My heart is breaking. I realized that I am too selfish, too demanding and too unrighteous for you, and for God. I don’t deserve anybody. And, maybe these are the reasons why you are not here yet. Maybe these are the reasons why we haven’t met each other yet.

I hope I can figure myself out by God’s grace. I hope I can start loving God and start loving you even if it is beyond my strength. I hope I can love you more without thinking you will love me back. I hope I can be sure of myself in loving you. I hope I will always be faithful in serving God just as much as I will be faithful in waiting for you to arrive. I hope I can give you the purity of my heart, my soul, and even my entire existence to you. I hope I can preserve myself and not make bad decisions so that I won’t hurt you.

However, I believe I can still hurt you even if I will be cautious not to. I know there will be moments that I will be too difficult to love and it will cost you pain. I hope you will be stronger when that day comes. I know there will come a time that all of a sudden we will get tired, impatient, annoyed, misunderstood and we might grow apart, but I hope you will not give up on me because I will not give up on you.

I will wait for you. I will pray for you. I will love you in the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I want to be a foot-washer

Lord, as I grow older, I think I want to be known
Thoughtful, rather than gifted,
Loving, versus quick or bright,
Gentle, over being powerful,
A listener, more than great communicator,
Available, rather than a hard worker,
Sacrificial, instead of successful,
Reliable, not famous,
Content, more than driven,
Self-controlled, rather than exciting,
Generous, instead of rich, and
Compassionate, more than competent,
I want to be a foot-washer.

©John Salmorin

 

Grace

You never failed me. You never let me down. What you get in return from me? Oh Lord, forgive me for I am a sinner. Forgive me because I decided to disobey You.

I believe that only right decisions really matter. And even how “good” the decision looks like, I know you would not compromise Your holiness for that. And no matter how I convince my self that each decision I made was a kind of right decision, it is not making sense at all. Right is right. There is no “kinda right” or “kinda wrong”. You do not bargain Your holiness for us because You are God.

You are sovereign. You are just. You are righteous. But, You are gracious. I have been through a lot of things and You showed me Your mercy. You showed how a loving God you are. You are my Savior. You are Jesus. You are my Father in heaven.

Hold me God. Mold me, my Maker. Help me. Have mercy on me. Forgive me.

How can I say thanks?

pic
University of the Philippines Visayas, Miagao, Iloilo.

Yesterday’s testimonies before we started our GT lesson were about our perception in the near future. We were asked to share what we envision in the future and how can we thank God for that. I was struck. How can you thank God for the things you cannot see yet? How can you honor Him if the things you pray for are not yet in your hands? I believe it is easy to thank God for what He has accomplished. It is easy to thank the Lord for His deliverance rather than His promises.

The Bible tells us thousands of promises from the Lord but we still doubt His faithfulness. We always doubt because of the uncertainty of what we expect to happen. I may be, oftentimes, anxious. So, when the question was asked I didn’t know what to answer. Who knows about tomorrow? God knows.

So if there is one thing to thank God for, it is the truth that He already accomplished the things in the future. We may not see it yet because God is teaching us to walk by faith and not by sight. We must be reminded that God is present yesterday, today and tomorrow. God is with us and He is in us.