I am starting to think less about you while I am starting to think about him more often. I am starting to ask God if I should still wait for you or if I should let him wait for me. I am starting to doubt myself if I still can go on until you arrive. What if, all along, you are not the answer to my prayers? What if, all along, I am the answer to his prayers? What if I am too selfish to understand the true meaning of love?
Love is patient and kind. Why could I not be too patient in waiting for you? Why am I too inconsiderate of your journey?
To be honest, I am tired of having this uncertainty. I am tired of not knowing if you’ll ever arrive or not. I am just tired, perhaps, that made me drift for a while. I wanted attention. I wanted immediate affection. And, I know, at some point I betrayed you. Worse, I fell short of God’s glory, for not being satisfied in His love.
My heart is breaking. I realized that I am too selfish, too demanding and too unrighteous for you, and for God. I don’t deserve anybody. And, maybe these are the reasons why you are not here yet. Maybe these are the reasons why we haven’t met each other yet.
I hope I can figure myself out by God’s grace. I hope I can start loving God and start loving you even if it is beyond my strength. I hope I can love you more without thinking you will love me back. I hope I can be sure of myself in loving you. I hope I will always be faithful in serving God just as much as I will be faithful in waiting for you to arrive. I hope I can give you the purity of my heart, my soul, and even my entire existence to you. I hope I can preserve myself and not make bad decisions so that I won’t hurt you.
However, I believe I can still hurt you even if I will be cautious not to. I know there will be moments that I will be too difficult to love and it will cost you pain. I hope you will be stronger when that day comes. I know there will come a time that all of a sudden we will get tired, impatient, annoyed, misunderstood and we might grow apart, but I hope you will not give up on me because I will not give up on you.
I will wait for you. I will pray for you. I will love you in the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ.