I Don’t Want To Miss You Anymore

I Don't want to miss you anymore

They say feelings will eventually change. But why do I still feel this tremendous yearning in my heart for years? Why do I feel like missing you intensely each day? Why do I betray myself from telling to forget you yet still reminiscing you?

I have written so many resolutions not to remember you. It is suffocating running in circles, writing resolutions with the same thought of forgetting. It is exhausting trying to remember to forget you. I keep on reminding myself that time will take care of everything, that time will help me forget.

But, my heart always remembers all the sad memories- I could not have you and never can. I have to let go the feeling of attachment. I must not miss you anymore.

When I Stumble While Waiting

I Don't want to miss you anymore (3)

I am starting to think less about you while I am starting to think about him more often. I am starting to ask God if I should still wait for you or if I should let him wait for me. I am starting to doubt myself if I still can go on until you arrive. What if, all along, you are not the answer to my prayers? What if, all along, I am the answer to his prayers? What if I am too selfish to understand the true meaning of love?

Love is patient and kind. Why could I not be too patient in waiting for you? Why am I too inconsiderate of your journey?

To be honest, I am tired of having this uncertainty. I am tired of not knowing if you’ll ever arrive or not. I am just tired, perhaps, that made me drift for a while. I wanted attention. I wanted immediate affection. And, I know, at some point I betrayed you. Worse, I fell short of God’s glory, for not being satisfied in His love.

My heart is breaking. I realized that I am too selfish, too demanding and too unrighteous for you, and for God. I don’t deserve anybody. And, maybe these are the reasons why you are not here yet. Maybe these are the reasons why we haven’t met each other yet.

I hope I can figure myself out by God’s grace. I hope I can start loving God and start loving you even if it is beyond my strength. I hope I can love you more without thinking you will love me back. I hope I can be sure of myself in loving you. I hope I will always be faithful in serving God just as much as I will be faithful in waiting for you to arrive. I hope I can give you the purity of my heart, my soul, and even my entire existence to you. I hope I can preserve myself and not make bad decisions so that I won’t hurt you.

However, I believe I can still hurt you even if I will be cautious not to. I know there will be moments that I will be too difficult to love and it will cost you pain. I hope you will be stronger when that day comes. I know there will come a time that all of a sudden we will get tired, impatient, annoyed, misunderstood and we might grow apart, but I hope you will not give up on me because I will not give up on you.

I will wait for you. I will pray for you. I will love you in the Name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

A Heart Like Jesus

The idea of having you in my life is always thrilling. I wonder if you are smart, tall and talented. I wonder if you are a doctor, a writer, a singer, or just a good lover (hehe). I hope you are a lot kinder than everyone else. I hope you are responsible and composed. I hope you are a gentleman, a servant leader, a good provider. I hope you already found your purpose and your passion. But, more than anything else, I just hope and pray that you have a heart like Jesus.

It does not matter how talented and grounded you are in the eyes of men. It does not matter if you are praised and loved in this world because the heart for God only matters. I hope you have the heart for the weak and the poor. I hope you have the heart to serve rather than to be served. I hope you work because you have a vision and mission for God’s glory.

I am excited to see you passionately driven, laboring for God’s kingdom. I am thrilled of what you will become in the eyes of God. I will keep praying that you will run the race with faith in the Lord. However, if God would not allow us to meet, I will keep on praying for you still until God’s plan for your life will succeed.

Our paths may or may not cross, we may know each other from a distance or we may not. Nevertheless, I believe God knows you ultimately. He will take control of us. He will keep you safe.